Do you have a TV? We do. If I can be honest, I think it remains turned on more than it should, but it is this mama's cheap babysitter for a portion of the day. We are also a football-watching family. Boomer Sooner. Our chosen programs mostly focus on matters of real estate and home renovations, children's programming, and the good ol', trusty Wheel of Fortune. Eleven years ago, my husband and I predicted what it would be like to be cool at thirty, and dinnertime Wheel of Fortune was involved. It is nice to know we are embracing our younger selves' idea of total coolness.
After our girls' bedtime, the hubby and I rummage through our Netflix library of investigative shows or lighthearted comedies. One of our favorite series follows a group of misfit employees through years of workplace shenanigans and personal, tumultuous relationships. Let The Office fans unite! And if full disclosure is in order, I can also waste countless hours lost in sappy Hallmark movies or a few network dramas sure to leave me a sobbing mess. I should have covertly slipped "through corny and overly-sentimental television programs" into my husband's wedding vows to me as he still refuses to oblige.
Now that I have divulged my family's ever-so-entertaining TV agenda, you might be pondering the purpose of this soon-to-come tirade. You see, a few weeks ago, I saw a commercial for another weeknight network show, and it was disheartening. Repulsive, really. I chuckled with disbelief before gasping with utter disappointment. This show boasted of attention-gripping entertainment for its viewers while contestants sought to find their spouse within the one-hour television block. Yep, the proposals were real, and the rings were real. Supposedly.
I am not doubting that proposal and engagement customs have changed over the years, and I will even admit that my husband's and my story is less than traditional. We met and married in about five months. Eek. Our journey has not been perfect or easy either, but the both of us have learned something very important: a marriage worth having takes grit. Commitment, selflessness, and solidarity are just a few essential components to a prosperous relationship. From the little I saw, the show failed to explore substantial content, and so wrongly conveyed marriage in a negative manner. How can those couples expect to withstand life's storms together when they take marriage so lightly? There is little real-life to a reality show engagement.
The need for instant gratification is a distinctive trait of this generation. Two-day shipping. Sign me up! Grocery pickup. Yesss, please! Subscription shopping. Take my money! By no means am I faulting these practices. As a mama-of-many, I heavily rely on these services to lessen my stress-inducing workload. But we should be careful that our reliance on convenient services does not plant seeds of expectations in other areas of life. My marriage is not always gratifying, nor is it always convenient or stress-free. Sometimes, laundering my husband's pile of dirty work clothes at 9pm is dissatisfying. Can he not wash his own clothes on the weekends? Sometimes, cooking a hearty dinner for him is inconvenient. I would rather throw a couple extra corn dogs into the oven. Sometimes, offering a listening ear to his professional challenges is stressful. I can have exhausting days, too. It is easy to be a selfish woman, but God calls me to be a selfless wife.
Not one year of our marriage has been or will be the same; some seasons bring bliss and others bring storms. The commitment my husband and I made to one another helps us navigate through the choppy waters and makes the sunshine that much warmer. We have learned that jumping ship betrays our promise--to ourselves and our children. (Just last week, our oldest daughter asked me to make a promise to her like the vow I made her daddy. She was convinced that kind of promise was sure to hold me accountable.) There are days we do not mesh well. Some conflicts are petty, and some issues are more substantial, but neither of us have expectations of quick fixes. We both desire and strive for less friction, so compassion and collaboration are a long-lasting approach to a better version of us. We enjoy a lot of victories, conquering this marriage thing "like a boss." Never does our real-life marriage mirror the inauthentic dynamics of a reality show relationship, and I am okay with that.
I think now is an appropriate opportunity to acknowledge that failed marriages exist. Some of my favorite people walked from previous marriages or had spouses who were not true to their vows. For whatever the circumstances, those relationships dissolved, but God has blessed those people still. I firmly believe that God can redeem any situation and bring back to life a lifeless love. And because our Father is one of grace, He also blesses second marriages, and third marriages, and beyond. When a husband and wife are fixed on the One who designed marriage, in all its sanctity, there will be healing, intimacy, and growth.
Attempting to identify the TV show's worst offense, I hone in on the bloated idea of self. A selfish wife cannot prioritize her husband when too consumed with her own emptiness. Equally, a selfish husband cannot prioritize his wife when too consumed with his own emptiness. Much of today's entertainment and advertisement industries prompt emotional decision making. We are told to do what makes us happy and say what helps express our every-changing emotions, no matter the effect on those around us. A selfish world is a hurtful one, an unkind one, and an inconsiderate one. A dear friend planted such a precious seed of kindness and generosity into her young son, a few weeks back: "God first, then others, then yourself." I recant those same words to our daughters on the regular, and I am proud of my friend for raising my future son-in-law so well.
I would be lying if I said that I successfully tackle my marriage every day, but I am granted the opportunity for a reset with every waking moment and extra cup of coffee I get. Being kind and helpful and loving to my husband today ensures I can be kind and helpful and loving to my husband tomorrow. Do not let the show fool you. Marriage is hard! There are no quick fixes, and it takes a heaping amount of selfless love to prioritize my husband before myself. So, what happens after the show ends? Does the network provide marriage counseling to help couples survive the storms, or does its interest cease with the rolling of the credits? Weddings can be beautiful and the talk of the tabloids, but the extravagance and publicity does not dictate a successful marriage. My marriage may not be a Hollywood hot topic, but my husband and I would rather it be a success story shared with our children, our grandchildren, and beyond.
