In a perfect world, relationships would exist so easily and shower upon our lives abundant blessing and joy. In a perfect world, there would be plentiful selflessness, understanding, and grace. We would be so consumed with lifting others up that we never felt inferior ourselves. We would be so preoccupied with empowering others that we never felt weak ourselves.
If only this world were perfect.
Instead, selfishness, misunderstanding, and judgment abound. We are consumed with trampling on others so that we may reach higher ourselves. We are preoccupied with attacking others so that we may feel empowered ourselves. We tend to thrive on the deficit of those around us. In their shortcomings we search for our victories, and mutual success and happiness are a far-fetched reality.
More and more, lately, I hear of brokenness. Marriages dissolving; family relationships failing; and friendships expiringăźit is all around me. Some of it is happening to me. There are times that I wonder if God could even soothe the sadness. If He could even restore the trustworthiness. If He could even mend the brokenness.
Before our Father can soothe, restore, and mend, we have to be willing to lay down our swords and sacrifice of ourselves for the sake of others. We have to be willing to take responsibility for the sadness we create, the trust we betray, and the brokenness we cause. Our natural defense is to protect our pride and to guard our hearts, but those instincts can quickly sabotage any vulnerable relationship. Our focus becomes self-centered instead of being Jesus-centered. We muster up justification for our actions and sometimes believe it is how Jesus would respond. We quickly become hypocrites, reflecting Jesus to our allies while belittling and offending our enemies.
Jesus had allies, but He advocated for the unpopular, like the poor and the disabled (Luke 14:12-14). He cared for the outcast when He healed the man with leprosy (Matthew 8:1-4). He protected the unworthy by defending the adulteress (John 8:1-11). He sought out the overlooked, the unclean, and the exiled so that they came to know the Father. Not to lift up himself or to empower himself. He selflessly and compassionately invested in others for their own sake. For their own well-being. For their eternity.
Offering forgiveness and compassion to someone who causes us strife or invokes conflict in our life can be an intimidating task. It involves disabling our own defenses and prioritizing someone else's emotion or grief above ours. Sometimes, it involves giving the offender freedom to add to the destruction, without taking further offense. We cannot foresee their actions, nor can we prevent them. We can only dictate our response. Hurting people hurt people. And hurting people sometimes need the most forgiveness and compassion.
I wish I had all the answers. If I ever claim to know all the answers, I guarantee that I would have an endless line of people outside my front door, waiting to unload their heaping mounds of hurt and grievances. Brokenhearted and disappointed people looking to fix the ones around them. Simply put, we establish an abundance of lofty expectations, and we are disappointed far too often. We defiantly hold others accountable to expectations that even we cannot meet. If we reflect on ourselves efficiently enough, we may even discover traits that we despise in other people.
How should we respond to broken relationships? How do we achieve restoration when so many barricades have taken shape to protect the wounds? Short answer: at the cross. Jesus lived among and helped those who loved Him, but He died even for those who murdered Him. For the rest of us. For the parent who neglected us. For the spouse who betrayed us. For the friend who discarded us. For every lying, cheating, manipulative, brokenhearted, and disappointed one of us.
There are many of us in this world who crave forgiveness and compassion, but hesitantly offer it to our offenders. We expect grace and understanding for ourselves, but live with selfishness and judgment for others. We accept defeat because it is easier to seek shelter behind our hurt than to overcome our pride and move toward restoration. Jesus could have chosen himself over you and me, but He took up the cross to soothe the sadness, restore the trustworthiness, and mend the brokenness.
At the cross, Jesus was the perfect example of selflessness and grace, and it is through Him that we can learn to lift up others above ourselves. To selflessly and compassionately invest in others for their own sake. For their own well-being. For our eternity. We must lay down our swords and meet Jesus at the cross.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
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